The Sleep Nanny Podcast

Why I changed my opinion of sleep training with Becky Brightman

In this episode I talk to the wonderful Senior Sleep Nanny Consultant and wonderful human Becky Brightman.
Becky found Sleep Nanny as a sleep-deprived parent, just like you, who was at her limit. At 18 months old, her daughter was taking upwards of two hours to fall asleep (day or night) and was feeding at least three times a night. Mum guilt over her child's sleep deprivation was ever all  consuming. Whether it stemmed from feelings of responsibility for her child's disrupted sleep patterns or from societal pressures to ensure perfect parenting, it often weighed heavy on her heart. The relentless cycle of sleepless nights exacerbated this guilt, as she started to question her ability to provide adequate care and support for her child's well-being. Despite her best efforts, the inability to "fix" her child's sleep issues amplified these feelings of inadequacy. Sleep Nanny transformed her life in two short weeks and it was from that point she knew she wanted to help other families experience the same.
In this conversation we talk about mum guilt, sleep experiences, societal pressure and the knock on effect this can have on the whole family.
Find Becky on Instagram - @sleepnannybeckybrightman
https://beckybrightman.sleepnanny.co
 
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My Baby Doesn’t Sleep Enough

In this blog, we are going to be addressing the fact that you’ve recognized that your baby doesn’t sleep enough, or your little one doesn’t sleep enough. So we’re going to find out why. Where is it in 24 hours that the lack of sleep is coming from? Because understanding this is key. 
In the previous blog we started talking about overtiredness and what that does, and the effect of overtiredness. So today, we are going to fully understand where the overtiredness could be coming from. 
First of all, could it be lack of daytime sleep? That’s the first one I want you to think about. Is your child under three? If they are, then they probably do still need some daytime sleep. And don’t get me wrong, sometimes they need daytime sleep beyond age three as well.
But if they are under three, then it’s pretty much a sure thing that they do need some. And if that’s the case, how much should that be, at this current age and stage that they are? How much daytime sleep would be beneficial for them? And in what sections? How many? How many naps and how long would they be, if they’re going to be doing the best sleep they can do? So if we can understand that we can then understand whether they’re getting enough or not.
That immediately gives us a fixing point like, “Ah, okay, my two-year-old, let’s say, is having a half an hour nap in the day.” Okay brilliant, we’ve identified a problem. It’s not enough sleep for a two-year-old, we need to be aiming more towards the two-hour mark. So we already go, “Oh right, okay. That’s what I need to do to help to fix things.” It could be the amount, but it could also be the quality. So you might think, “Oh no, my child gets loads of sleep. They get the exact amount that they need for their age and stage.”
But if the quality of that sleep isn’t great that could be the problem. It could be the timing as well. So what if they’re getting the quantity overall, but the quality is poor and it’s in little snatched naps of light sleep. And perhaps, in their case, it’s not restorative enough, and the quality of sleep is down. Also, motion sleep, so the sleep that you have on the go, in the pushchair, or the car, or on the move, motion sleep often won’t give the same quality of sleep as a proper sleep space and ideal sleep environment. It can, but often it doesn’t. So that could be the key and the thing that is causing your little one to be overtired. So these are all things that you can look at and explore to spot it with your little one where’s that overtiredness coming from. 
The other thing with timing to look at is if they’re awake for too long between sleeps.
So sometimes people will tell me, “Yep, they’re getting enough sleep.” And they are, they’re getting enough. Let’s go back to our two-year-old, perhaps they’re getting nearly two hours every day and it’s brilliant, but they’re taking that a bit late in the day. So actually, from their morning wake-up time until the start of that nap time, if that window of awakeness is too long, even if they’re getting the ideal amount of nap after that, the very fact that wake window is too long could be the reason for their overtiredness, even if they are getting enough naptime. So timing does play a part in this as well. 
Timing is something that can easily be overlooked or ignored because you think, “They get the sleep eventually.” Yeah, but that extended wakeful period may have already done the harm and cause the overtiredness.
When you look at bedtime itself. Is bedtime late, a bit too late or irregular? Does it move around a lot? That could be another reason for overtiredness, a bedtime that isn’t consistent, or that is too late for a little one. 
Most 0 to 6 year olds, some seven-year-olds, will do best with a bedtime around 7:00 PM. That’s if you operate a kind of a day in the life of where you want to wake up between 6:00 AM and 7:00 AM, maybe you have school or preschool, or you are working, and then wind down, your evening meal or whatever, and then to sleep around 7:00 PM, somewhere between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM, for sure. Absolutely, somewhere between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM, for anyone, I would say, 0 to 10 years. You may get a few on the older side that can cope with a slightly later bedtime, but generally speaking, from 0 to 10 years, I would say somewhere between 6:00 PM and 8:00 PM, it’s going to fit really, really well. 7:00 PM’s great, right down the middle.
The last one that you could look at in terms, if you’re trying to figure out, where is this overtiredness coming from? I know my child’s overtired, I figured that out in the last episode, but where is it coming from? Could it be disturbed nights? Do you have lots of wake ups going on in the night, lots of disruption? Are they up and down? Are they having wakeful periods in the night? 
That, in itself, is going to cause overtiredness because not only do they lose those bits of sleep when they wake up, but the very fact that they’re having them means that the sleep cycles are not thorough and they’re not nourishing. We cycle through our sleep like this. And if they’re spending a lot of time up here, they’re not getting their deep, nourishing sleep and having that restorative effect. So it could be the disturbed nights, okay?
So have a think about those, see which it could be for you. If this has helped you go, “Ah yes, it’s that,” then brilliant, because you can then move on into my blog, where I’m going to be sharing with you how to actually fix that, how to get them to sleep more.
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Travelling And Kids Sleep

https://youtu.be/lx4Kmk1UcVk
To conclude my little series on traveling with your little ones and maintaining the best sleep possible, this post is all about the return home.
These tips are going to help you to get your little one’s sleep back on track and get them sleeping really nicely at home when you’ve returned from travel or being away, or on a holiday, or something like that.
Number one, the journey home itself. So when you’re coming home a bit like the journey out, you have this random day, it’s a transitional day. It’s going to be a day where you may find you or your child might get more sleep than usual, you might get less sleep than usual. It doesn’t matter, it’s a transition. It’s when you get back, that really makes the difference in getting back into your routine.
When you come back, try if possible, it’s not always possible, but try if you can to factor in a recovery day. That’s the day after the travel day. So you’ve got your travel day and then a recovery day. If you can, if your timetable allows. That’s going to give you the opportunity to just play with timing, whatever time we start, the day is fine. Wake up when your body clock’s ready. And then, look at, where are we now? What time is it? Right, based on this wake-up time we need to have, or not have naps. Based on what happens there, we need to do what we need to do in order for bedtime to happen at that time, which is your time at home. So having that recovery day, it’s like having a buffer zone to really sort it all back out.
The second thing is home routine right away. Get into your home routine right away. Once you’ve got back and you’ve done that, you’re going to be starting to think, right it’s breakfast time at this time, this is our dinner time, this is when bedtime is. Just get back into that routine and rhythm. And particularly when it comes to your bedtime routine for little ones and the environment that they’re in. If they are in their own room, if they spent a week sleeping in a room with a sibling, but normally at home, they’re on their own, it’s hard and fast rules back to normal. That’s where you sleep, your bed, your room. If they are usually in their own cot, but they’ve been sleeping in a bed or a different sleep setting or in with parents on a holiday, back to normal, back to their own sleep space. Whatever the rules are at home, they need to come back right away.
The third thing to remind you of is jet lag. If you have changed time zones, especially big ones, jet lag can last a week. It can take a week to really get back to normal. But you’re going to encourage that along and you’re going to help that along faster by getting into your local time and your routine based on the time zone you’re back in. And by getting into those cues, the environments, the meal times, all those things that make up the home routine. Catch-ups as well. If you are, or your little one is tired, more than usual, have little catch-ups. It’s okay. Don’t think you’ve got to keep your little one awake to maintain the perfect bedtime if they’re tired, just because perhaps they don’t usually nap or they’ve had their usual amount of naps. If there’s additional tiredness there, a little catch-up sleep, really won’t hurt. And then still go ahead with your normal bedtime, so you can get that back onto the normal path.
Take care and I hope that this helps you and your little one if you are travelling soon.
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Vacation Sleep Tips For Kids

https://youtu.be/-YPNH-pEFCM
The last couple of blogs posts have been about travel with babies and children, in this miniseries I am sharing as much as I can with you to make the journey easier, to make your time away more enjoyable and so that sleep doesn’t just become a complete disaster. Next up is my sleep tips for you while you are away. So whilst you are on your holiday or vacation, whilst you’re traveling, how can you make sleep much better than just leaving it to chance?
My first tip for you for improving sleep or making sleep good whilst you’re away with your children is to think about the routine but different. When I say routine but different, it means you want to have some kind of routine, some kind of rhythm going on. If they’re napping, let’s work out where they’re going to fall, where those naps are going to sit in the day, and bedtime, where’s that going to be? We do want some kind of rhythmicity, but it can be different to what you do at home. For example, it’s quite common when we travel, especially if we’re on a vacation with our children, that we might want to shift bedtime to be a little bit later. Perhaps if they’re going to be dining with us, we might want to move bedtime a little bit later.
Or if there’s a kiddie’s disco or a children’s club or something that they’re going to go to, again, it might just mean bedtime is a little bit different. If that’s the case, will they be the kind of child to make up those hours and sleep in a bit in the morning? Or are you like me where you have a child that it doesn’t matter when they go to bed, they’ll always wake up at the same time in the morning? If that’s you, you might need to factor in a nap in the day that perhaps doesn’t normally happen at home or an additional sleep in the day that you wouldn’t normally do in your home routine. So you just need to allow for these tweaks so that you can get into a holiday routine with sleep.
The second thing I want to share with you is about sleep location. Often when we travel, our little one’s sleep location changes. It might be that they are sharing a room when they wouldn’t normally, either with a sibling or with parents or the whole family might be in one room. That can happen. Their sleep location for naps might change. Maybe they normally take a nap at home in a cot and now they’re going to be taking a nap in their pram or their push chair stroller whilst out and about. Because, let’s face it, we’re on a vacation, we want to be out and having fun, right? So the location of sleep can change. Again, set it up for your holiday rules, your vacation rules, so that whilst you’re there, that’s what you do and they get used to it. Don’t worry. They won’t see this as home. They’ll see this as a different environment anyway and what happens there is what happens there.
Make sure that you set up the room for comfort and safety and have a nap setting that you know works so you can also all enjoy your holiday. I remember doing this with ours. I remember when they were in a double push chair and being away and we had a lovely routine, they’d have their lunch, they were all nice and fed and it was the hottest part of the day. They’d go into the double push chair, shades over, laid back, and we would go for a nice walk which was perfect after lunch, they would nod off to sleep, we could park up in the shade with them, sun loungers, books, and enjoy whilst they would take a nap and it was just lovely. So it can work really, really well. I’m not saying it always goes that smoothly, but it can do.
The same with bed times. Number three, bedtime routines. You can shift this. There’s options here, and it will depend on what you’re doing, where you’re going, where you’re staying, who you’re with. You might be away with family, for instance, or staying at somebody’s house, or you might be in a resort or one of these lovely places where you have the children’s clubs. There’s so many different setups on holidays for families. So wherever you are, just consider what bedtime routine will work given the setting that you are in.
One example and a common one I think fits well if you are at a holiday destination is to do your bedtime routine. This is particularly with babies and younger ones, toddler, preschoolers, is to do the bedtime routine with them in your room, in your accommodation, have that routine that they know, have a wash, a bath or shower. It helps get rid of the sunscreen or any clamminess from the day if you are somewhere hotter than they’re used to, it gives them that nice cooling feel, into their sleep wear. Then it might be that you settle them in the pram or in the push chair, and then they cuddle up maybe with their teddy and you can then go out for your evening and have a sleeper right by your side. That can work really well, too. Right through baby and toddlerhood as well, that one could be a really effective bedtime set up.
The point is, if you have some kind of routine there, if they actually have that routine, it will help them and it will help them to sleep better and then you just transfer them to their sleep space when you get back afterwards.
The last point on this I’m going to share with you is when you get back home. I mentioned this in my last episode, when you return home, you return back to normal, local time I talked about in the last episode, and for this episode, routine. Return back to your normal routine with when the meal times and nap times and bed times are and the environment, they will slip back into it because it’s familiar in a familiar environment.
Take care, sleep well and happy holiday’ing!
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Kids Sleep And Time Zones

https://youtu.be/yNdjTUWlxeo
This blog is the next in the minim series on traveling with babies and children, we’re focusing on time zones and the tips for getting through the change of time zones, on the way there, when you come back, how you can manage them whilst you’re away.
The number one tip I want to give you about time zones when it comes to traveling with little ones is consider the travel day, first of all, as an opportunity to transition. So whether you are taking a night flight or you are driving all day long, that day is going to be a little out of routine. It’s going to be a little different to the norm. Naps may or may not happen at the same time as they normally would. And the bedtime might shift. It’s just an odd day, right? It’s not going to be the same as normal. So use that as an opportunity. If you are traveling to a different time zone, use that as an opportunity to get adjusted. And it’s just almost like it’s a blank canvas then.
The second thing I want to share with you is when you arrive. When you arrive get onto local time. I don’t care if it’s one hour difference or five hours difference. Get onto local time straight away. And that means start getting your body into the rhythm of the day where you are. So your mealtime’s full at that time in the new time zone, breakfast, lunch, dinner. Your bedtime is at the time on the new time zone straight away. None of this, “Oh, wow. I know it’s this time, but for me, body clock feels like this time,” or you’re thinking about your child where they must feel like it’s this time. Don’t think like that. That’s psychologically going to hinder the adjustment.
This goes as much for adults as it does for children. But with children, you need to use the subliminal messages of the environment and the routine to help their body clock to shift into gear into the new time zone. It may not be perfect, but it will certainly help. So mealtimes, bedtime routine, the light itself, the sun rising and setting, are all also going to aid the signals to the body clock to go, “Oh, okay, hold on. Yes, it does feel like more like lunchtime now, actually.” And that will help.
The third thing to understand with this is actually about the return, when you come back home. So when you get home, you’ve got the same thing. You need to switch back to local time straight away. No like, “Oh yeah, but I feel like it’s tea time and it’s actually only just the morning.” Yep, sure. You might feel that way. But have breakfast if it’s the morning. Have lunch in the middle of the day. Go to bed at the right time. You may have to do a little manipulation with little ones with naps. You might want to go, “Okay. Do you know what? We are going to skip a nap today because we need to get the bedtime back on track.” Or you might say, “Oh, we need to add in a nap today so that I can keep my child in a good place and get bedtime at the right time at home.”
Whatever you need to do, especially on that first day back, whatever you need to do to get back into your local time and rhythm as soon as possible. It’s all about rhythmicity at the end of the day. And our body clocks and circadian rhythms are a natural thing. But when we shift from time zones, rather than letting nature take its course over maybe a week or more, we can actually get there quicker by helping with all these triggers and cues around us and rhythm to our day.
Hopefully this will make your time zone travel a lot quicker. It can take up to a week to overcome jet lag, especially if it’s quite a big difference. And especially when you go from west to east, it feels worse. So that’s worth knowing as well.
Take care and in my next post I am going to be talking about sleep tips for your children while you’re away. So if you’re on a vacation or a holiday and you’ve taken some time out to travel, some tips for sleeping when traveling.
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Tips For Travel With Children

https://youtu.be/_qO6v4m3lNY
In this blog I’m going to be giving you some amazing tips for when you travel with your children, and specifically in this post, focusing on the journey itself. I’m going to give you the three best things that you can think about when it comes to traveling with children.
The three things that I want to share with you to make that journey and traveling with children a lot less stressful.
Number one, entertainment. It seems obvious, but actually the entertainment that your little one’s going to be most entertained by is going to vary at every age. What entertains a younger baby toddler age is going to be very different to a four, five, six, seven year old. It’s going to change, it’s going to evolve. What you can have for entertainment is going to vary depending on the form of travel, the form of transport. Are you on an airplane, a car, a coach, a train a ferry? The ability to move around might be different. Whether they can use wifi screens or whether they need to have books. What forms of entertainment are going to be appropriate for the journey. Consider that, what’s going to be appropriate for the form of transport, and also for the age of the child.
Also, think about what could be new. Now, this applies at all ages. What could you whip out that’s brand new for the journey? For instance, for a toddler, could you get a little bunch of party bag type toys, brand new things that they’ve never seen before that you pop into a bag. Then, one by one, on the journey you’re like, “Oh, what’s this? Oh, what’s this? Because we all know that, despite the fact they may have their favorite toy, it’s the new one, it’s the different one, the thing they haven’t seen before, that’s the most exciting that’s going to captivate their attention and keep them content and entertained for a period of time. Being able to pull out a new unseen before thing is definitely going to be great and that can evolve at different ages.
For a child a bit older, it could be a new book to read or a magazine. Or, if you like listening to audio books, or even in the car, for instance, it could be that you get that new audio downloaded and onto the device, the headphones prepared, everything you need so that they can have that brand new audio and be excited and get into that as well. Newness is also a great thing to think about when it comes to the entertainment.
Think about where you’re going to be able to provide that entertainment. Do they have restricted movement? What format it should come in and how you can make it new and exciting and different?
Number two is food. Make sure you are equipped, no matter what form of transport you’re taking, with that journey, make sure that you are able to provide food and water because we all know, and we are like it a bit too as adults, but children in particular, they struggle with their mood and their emotions when they’re hungry, not hangry, and thirsty. Their hydration and their food is going to be really important. Just make sure you’re armed with that. Think ahead, plan ahead, and also plan for delays and unexpected situations where you may be stuck without food or water. Plan ahead and be equipped.
The last one, is that the sleep rules change. You’re not going to be, necessarily, letting them sleep at the same times as they normally would or in the same space. They may be sleeping in an airplane seat or a car seat for a period of time. They may sleep at a different time. Don’t worry about the nap schedule. Don’t worry so much about the routine that you normally have, because if you are in transit, when you’re traveling, you feel different. You might sleep on a plane during the day when you wouldn’t normally, because that motion lulls you off. It’s okay. It might actually prepare you for a bit of a deficit in your sleep when you arrive, or with the times zone. It really doesn’t matter. What I’m saying here is let down any stresses about meticulous rules with the sleep during the travel day. You can allow extra sleep. If it happens, don’t panic. Don’t worry so much if a nap doesn’t happen when it normally would, because it would probably be made up for another time.
The travel day is the travel day, so just make sure it’s comfortable and enjoy the ride. I hope these tips help you to have a better journey this season if you are getting away or traveling with your children.
In my next blog we will be honing in on Time Zones, in the meantime take care and sleep soundly.
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Early Rising Child

https://youtu.be/7OGW7GhXCX0
In this blog I am talking all about the early-rising child. The previous 3 have been focused on how to spot where the overtiredness is coming from that causes the early rising. I’ve talked about how to cope with early rising and strategies to solve all of this and what I want to share with you here is how to stay on track. Once it gets good, how do you keep it there?
You’ve done the work. Everything I’ve talked about in the last few blogs, you’ve implemented it beautifully, and you’ve finally overcome those early wakings, and your little one is waking beyond 6:00 AM. Feels great, right? But I’m here to share with you how you can keep it that way because the problem is most people reach that stage, and it goes back off track. It falls off track again, and sometimes it happens with the seasons because it’s got lighter outside in the mornings, and it’s waking them up and that kind of thing, but I’m going to share with you exactly what you need to do to stay on track.
First things first, don’t get complacent because one of the reasons lots of people do fall off track is because they get complacent, so all the things that they set up and all the things that they’ve done to get this resolved, they kind of stop doing them. They think they don’t need to anymore. “It’s fine. They’re sleeping fine now. Don’t need to do that.” Probably you do, so don’t just let these things go. Don’t get complacent. It’s also really important to know that some little ones are just wired that way. They are wired as early risers, but that doesn’t mean you have to succumb to wake-ups that happen before 6:00 AM. It does mean they may always be a 6:00-ish or just after 6:00 AM waker, which is an early-ish waker. My own eldest is like that. I’ve always had to stay on top of it, always over the years, because whilst I would not accept anything pre-6:00 AM, because that’s still nighttime, I’ve had to do the work and keep up on everything to make sure that he is waking after 6:00 AM.
So, where all his school friends might go to bed later, that’s fine. They can manage it because they sleep in later, but because I know that he absolutely won’t, I have to keep his bedtime earlier because even if he went to bed later, he wouldn’t wake up any later. Some are wired that way, so you need to know your child and what’s best for them. Then, you’ve got to stay on top of it. So, what can you do to stay on top of it? A really obvious but easy one to forget is to keep the room dark. We are so sensitive to the light, some more than others, but being dark means sleep time, and it tells our brains that, whereas light helps to… well, actually it prevents the sleepy hormones, and it suggests that it’s time to wake up, and it wakes us up. This is why these wake-up lights work and these fancy blackout blinds that people have that come up to wake them. I mean, how amazing is that?
It’s because it works, and it’s how we’re wired. In fact, since the days of sleeping in caves, that’s how our whole body clock and the circadian rhythm was born was through light and dark, night and day. So, keep the room dark. Use everything you can find to black out the natural daylight. I’ve known people put tin foil into the windowpane with all kinds of tape and all sorts. There are stick-up blackout blinds. There is static stuff you can put on the window, on the glass, that is a blackout peel-off thing, blackout blinds. I’ve often been a fan of blackout blinds followed by blackout curtains over the top tucked in around the edges so that you really are cutting out all the natural daylight.
The only kind of light you want is a dim, amber or red-colored nightlight if you need some light, so keep it nice and dark. This is especially a problem here in the UK when we go into our lighter months, and the light starts creeping in. Also, be wary of that coming in the hallway and the doors, the bedroom door, so you may need to make sure the bedroom door is shut, or any landing or hall is also dark so that it’s not coming in that way because it just tells them that, “Ooh, there’s light and life out there. It’s time to get up.”
Next thing is a sleep/wake clock. I talked about this in my Early Waking Sleep Training blog, and I also talked about rewarding them when they comply with their sleep/wake clock or light. As they get older, this might be something you need to keep going with and just slightly evolve as they grow, so the chart might become different. The incentive, the reward might be different, but ultimately, you’re showing them that, “Look. When you do what the clock says or the light says, when you stay in bed quietly until it’s morning time, this is the reward. This is the bonus that happens when you do that,” so you might need to bring that back. I did this for periods of time and then thought, “Okay, we don’t need it,” and then we’d get some early waking. I’d bring it back. I’d be like, “Right, back to the chart. Come on. Let’s do this again.” I would be done with it and pull it back out several times, so don’t be afraid to revisit it or keep it going on some level.
The other thing that’s not always so obvious is early-morning quietness. If you’re an early waker, especially, you’re going to find it really easy to be disturbed in the morning, but just anyway, due to how our sleep cycles work, we are in our lighter sleep early in the morning. When we’re in deep sleep, someone could be cooking and set off the smoke alarms, and you won’t even notice it. I’ve seen this so many times. You’ll see the kiddies on a video monitor and they’re… don’t even flinch, and there’s alarms going off, because they’re in deep sleep at the early part of the night. But towards morning, at 4:00 or 5:00 AM, classic time for early risers, it’s crazy. They hear a pin drop, and they wake up. The slightest sound can wake them and disturb them, so see what you can do to protect your early waker from an early-morning disturbance, a noise. If you have somebody in the family who needs to get up early for work, what can you do to be ultra quiet? I know it can be annoying, but it’s worth it to get that early waker asleep a little bit longer. Quietness in those early hours is really important.
The last thing is not to incentivize it in any way. What do I mean by that? If your little one… this is more relevant when they go into toddlerhood, preschooler, and early school age, they’re small children, not so much as a baby, but if there’s an incentive like, “Well, when I get up, I can watch TV, or there’s the Internet,” or something like that, if there’s a thing that they are excited to do, it’s a motivation to get up and start the day. For younger ones, for babies, it might be that, “Oh, I wake up, and it’s milk time.” I’m talking when they’re not necessarily hungry. If there’s something that’s driving them to go, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be up,” then let’s remove that incentive.
Have rules like turn off the Internet until 7:00 AM, or have no access to the TV or things that little ones often… As parents, it’s so easy. We sometimes go, “Oh, yeah, just let them have that so I can sleep a bit longer,” and it’s easily done, but all that does is further incentivize them to start the day because it’s a thing they want to do, so remove that incentive. I still have that in place with mine now, even though they’re older. There’s no access to the Internet until a certain time. It’s different at the weekend and in the week, but they have no access to those things because it would just make them go, “I’m awake, so may as well get up,” but actually, if they go, “I’m awake. Well, there’s nothing else to do, so I might as well just lie here,” and then, “Oh, look. I’ve gone back to sleep,” so there’s more chance they’ll fall back asleep if there’s no incentive to start the day.
That’s how you stay on track. Recap those as you need them. Some of them are more relevant when they’re younger. Some of them are going to become more relevant as they get older. But if you have an early riser, you’re probably going to need to come back and revisit this a few times, and you will absolutely then be able to keep your little one on track and sleeping and beyond 6:00 AM. If I can do it with my tricky early riser, then I know you can do it, too.
Sleep soundly, and make sure you check out the blogs for next month, where we’re moving into the topic of holidays, vacations, and traveling with little ones in tow.
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Coping With Early Wakings

This blog is all about coping when your little one is waking really early every morning, every day.
I’m going to be going through three key things that you can use to get through this while you are working on the strategies I shared in the last two blogs about how to actually overcome this problem, and get your little one sleeping beyond 6:00 AM every morning. But, I understand that that can take some time, and so, this is for you whilst you’re going through that.
Tip number one for you on how to cope when your little one is waking really early for the day is to try to take turns in being the parent that gets up if possible. Now, I understand that’s not possible if you’re on your own, but if you’re not alone, if somebody else can take a turn either every other day or every few days so that you can rest and have a little bit longer in bed, it makes all the difference because once you get up, it’s really hard to go back to sleep. And even if your little one goes back to sleep, it’s so difficult for you to then go back to sleep. It’s like you’re almost waiting in anticipation. So. You almost do have to resign yourself to the fact that you’re going to be awake now to some level for the day, and having somebody else that can go and take their time with that.
Just knowing, psychologically knowing, that it’s not my turn today, I can stay in bed. Just by staying, laying down, and keeping your eyes closed even if you are awake and can hear what’s going on, you’re more likely to, first of all, fall back to sleep, and second of all, you’re also more likely to get some degree of better rest than if you actually get up. So, knowing that somebody else can take care of it and that you can just rest is better than nothing. I actually quite like the two days on two days off pattern. And so, if you could take those kinds of times with a partner, then that could be great because then you get two solid nights where you know that you do not need to get up and respond and that you can wake up when you are ready to start the day, or at least after 6:00 AM.
Take turns, if you can. If you can’t, if you are on your own, if you’re a single parent, then is there an occasion or perhaps once a week could you have a relative come and stay with you or a good friend come and stay with you? Or could you go and stay with somebody that would be willing to help and take a turn? Even if it is just once a week on a weekend and give you that little bit of extra rest. It’s not as powerful as if you can do this every other night or every couple of nights, but it’s better than nothing, and it’s really worth asking for that help.
The second thing that you can definitely, definitely do is grab a nap in the day. Now, I know that sounds simple, and I can already hear you going, yeah, if only it was that easy. It’s not easy, is it? It’s not easy to go, right quick, okay, here’s an opportunity, little ones to sleep. I’m going to go to sleep. And I have talked about this in other episodes. We don’t just go, oh yeah, just go to sleep. It’s not that simple, but if we just dismiss it and we don’t even try, then we are definitely not going to get that sleep. Here’s what I recommend. Take that opportunity when it comes, when your little one’s having a nap, and the opportunity is there. Do not pick up your phone, do not do the laundry, do not do anything. Just stop. Go and sit down somewhere quiet. Dim the lights, make it dark, sit back or lie down even, rest your head, put your feet up, close your eyes and do some nice deep breathing. If you are good at meditating, then do that.
If you’re not, you’re quite a busy minded person, then just let your thoughts flow, but just breathe and really focus on taking those breaths because I know it sounds woo woo, but it’s so powerful just taking those deep breaths, and letting it all go will put you into such a great state of relaxation, which stands you in good stead for a possible nap. Now you might not nap. You might not fall asleep, but the very fact that you’re lying down, you have your feet raised, you have your eyes closed. You will be in a state of rest. That’s better than if you weren’t doing that. So do that as a minimum. And if you can take a nap, take a nap. You’ll know when your baby wakes. They’ll let you know when they need you. And if you can just catch a few Zs, it will help. It will benefit you.
In some cultures, it’s normal to do that every day anyway. It’s actually really, really good for our bodies. We’re not really designed to be awake for the whole day in one stretch and then have all our sleep consolidated into one chunk at night. We’re actually not as humans supposed to do that. That’s just culturally what we do.
I have got another tip for you. My third tip on coping with early wakings is to go to bed early. And that, again, can be really hard because you think, oh God, I’ve just had a hectic day. I finally got the little one to bed. I just want some me-time. I just want to unwind and binge some TV, or social media, or chat to a friend, or just have some time for myself. Well, yes, but you got to weigh up the cost. And if you are doing what I taught in the last two episodes, and you are finding and overcoming this early rising problem, then you’re not a million miles away from this being over.
Would it hurt in the short term to just say, do you know what, I’m tired. And if you are tired, just go, I’m going to bed. And take an audiobook or a podcast with you if that’s what you like to do, but be all ready for bed so that if you nod off, you can go, enough, put it down and just go to sleep. Get to sleep earlier. Catch your Zs so that you are energized, and ready to then implement what you need to do as a parent to help your little one overcome these early wakings with that consistent response to the early waking when it inevitably happens somewhere between 4:00 and 5:00 AM the next morning.
You can do this. Three simple things there that you can do. Take turns in the early morning response. Grab a nap in the day or at least a good rest wherever possible, and get yourself to bed early. They are simple, but yet it sounds like common sense, but it just hardly ever is common practice.
I’ve given it to you now, so make sure that you go and do that. Get yourself some rest, and you’ll be out the other side of this before you know it. Take care, and sleep soundly.
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Early Waking Sleep Training

This blog is all about early waking and specifically today, we’re talking about how to overcome the early waking. This is all about early waking sleep training, we will delve into the steps you need to take and my three R’s on early rising.
Number one, you’ve got to spot where the overtiredness is coming from. If you haven’t already make sure you’ve read my blog on early wakings and spotting the signs of overtiredness, I shared why little ones wake early and we’re talking about 4:00 or 5:00 AM wake ups. We’re not talking about night wakings, about how that happens, why that happens and the things you need to do to find out where the over tiredness is coming from in the first place.
The first R is Resolve the overtiredness. What do we need to do? Do we need more nap time? Do we need to work on resettling a premature waking from a nap? That’s when the nap should be maybe an hour and a quarter, but they’re waking up after 30 minutes. Do we need to work on nap resettles or do we need earlier bedtimes or do we need a more consistent bedtime? Is it the wake window we need to shrink down or alter slightly or tweak the timing. We need to resolve the place where we can see that our little one’s falling short of sleep and overcome that overtiredness.
We know that’s not as simple as it sounds. We don’t just flick a switch and suddenly, we fixed it. They’re not overtired anymore, but if we can spot it and we know where it’s coming from, then we can apply a strategy to resolving it and helping to replenish their sleep and build up a more fulfilled sleep tank. That’s going to be the key element to resolving this early waking. We do have two other things that we need to do simultaneously whilst we’re over there working on replenishing that sleep tank.
Second R for you is to respond to the early waking consistently. What do I mean by that? If they wake up 5:00 and sometimes you are like, “Shh, back to sleep, back to sleep.” And sometimes you go, “Oh, whatever, I’m awake, let’s start the day,” or sometimes they get milk or sometimes they get loads of attention and other times you’re like, “No, not happening.” It’s a mixed bag of response or sometimes it’s feed and sometimes it’s a nappy change and sometimes it’s start the day and sometimes it’s not.
We need a consistent response and we need a response that says it’s still nighttime. The environment they’re in needs to say it’s still nighttime. You and your body language need to say it’s still nighttime. The whole message needs to come across that it’s not time to get up right now. If you start conveying this just with cues and environmental cues right from baby stage, then when they’re into toddler and preschooler age, this is so much easier because they can then recognize, oh, okay, yeah. This means it’s nighttime. This means it’s daytime. Mummy or daddy, they don’t talk to me when it’s nighttime. Maybe you just whisper. You might give them a little, “Shh, shh, back to sleep.” You might communicate. I’m not saying don’t communicate. You might communicate in a nighttime mode, but it’s very different to how you are with them in the daytime and that’s a brilliant signal and trigger that you can demonstrate right from baby stage.
Respond consistently however, that may look. Now, we work out bespoke responses to families when we work with families one on one, because it can very much depend upon the child’s individual personality, age, developmental stage, everything. There’s so many factors that will determine the best response to givI can;t give you all of that detail here but what I can say is that it does need to be consistent. Once you know what it is, be consistent with it every single time so that they know exactly what to expect, and then they can count on you and then they can rely on you, which actually builds trust.
The next R I have for you is reward. We all respond to rewards and incentives. That’s how life works. That’s what a job is. You do a job and you get paid. That’s the reward. Everything is rewarded. We want to reward the staying quietly in bed or in the cot. There’s a couple of ways you can do that and it does work differently depending on their age and stage. For a younger baby, it may be the reward may just be the whole concept of you’re sort of soothing them back to sleep, and then it becomes morning and you’re like, “Morning time.” Their reward is that animated interaction from you. That’s the reward, “Well done. You did so well.” Then you start the day and maybe the milk is there and all these things that they’re excited about that could be the reward.
As they get a little bit older, you can up the ante on that and give them more incentives. One thing that works really well with this is a sleep wake clock. I love the sleep wake clocks that are black and white, not color, but in terms of there’s a symbol that says it’s a sleep time and there’s a symbol that says it’s a wake time. Preferably, it’s a little character, because then it’s like a little buddy for them and that little character is up or that little character is asleep.
The clocks that have various shapes and colors and countdowns can actually lead to little ones staying up because they’re like, oh, there’s only one notch left. It’s going to change soon or that kind of thing. They’re counting down and they have to have the cognitive ability to know what the shapes and colors actually mean, which is a whole other level. Very simple, clear this means day and this means night.
You could actually just have a lamp with a timer and the light goes on. I would have it going on dimly because you don’t want to actually wake the child up, but you could have a light that goes on, so when it’s off, it’s nighttime and when it’s on, it’s daytime, and again, you can teach a little one from around 20 months what these things mean and they usually respond quite well to those. From around 19 to 20 months, I would introduce a sleep wake clock or signal. Then you can refer to it. When you come in to respond, you can always go, “Shh, shh. It’s nighttime.” Then when it’s daytime, “Look, it’s daytime. Yes, look!” And refer to it again because you’re showing them, look, this means day and they start to put two and two together.
That is accompanied very nicely with a reward chart when they’re two and a half, maybe three, depending again on their cognitive levels, but having a reward chart that praises them for staying quietly in their bed until the light came on or their clock changed or whatever it might be is a great thing to do, so that when they do it, they get a sticker or a star or even maybe a little, I don’t know, a little reward, something that they can go, “I did it!” And feel really, really good about it, so that helps to go along with it. It helps to reinforce it.
As a recap:
Overcoming the early wakings that you are seeing, you’ve got to spot it, first of all, so go back to the last blog if you want a deeper dive on that, but spot where the overtiredness is coming from, because that’s what’s driving the early wake up. Then we want to resolve that. We want to resolve that by patching up the sleep.
Is it more nap time, resettling naps, earlier bed, how can we replenish and top up that sleep tank because it is running short at the moment?
Whilst we are working on that, because it’s not a quick fix, we are also going to start to respond to that early waking with a consistent response every morning and every time, if we have to respond five times, same response every time until it’s 6:00 AM or later, and then it’s okay to start the day.
Finally, we’re going to reward the excellence of when they do stay put in their bed nice and quietly until it is morning time.
Some simple steps there. It takes a little bit of time. Be patient, but be consistent. Once you know what you’re doing, it’s just applying it with consistency and it will prevail. You will get those sleep-ins till 6:00 AM or beyond if you follow these Steps.
Wishing you rest for mornings, take care.
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Why Does My Baby Wake Up So Early

The focus for this blog is why does my baby wake so early? Why, why, why, why, why, why? I know what it feels like myself because when my eldest was little, this was a big problem for me, in fact he’s a little bit wired that way. So I know firsthand what you’re going through if you have an early riser on your hands.
In this blog I’m going to go through everything to explain why this happens, to give you the insight and ability to overcome this problem once and for all.
Starting at the beginning, why does your baby wake so early in the morning?
When I say early, I’m talking pre 6:00 AM. In our general culture that we live in, where people work a nine-to-five job, we have our school hours etc, we’re talking 6am or beyond is actually perfectly acceptable. I know some people might not like to hear that.
But, if it’s pre 6:00 AM, it’s still nighttime and you do not need to start the day that early. So why is your little one waking up at that time? If you’re getting wake-ups before 4:00 AM, then it’s a night waking and that’s another kettle of fish. Wake-ups at 9:00 PM, at 11:00 PM, 2:00 AM, they could be for all kinds of reasons. But the typical early waking time is usually between 4 and 5:00 AM, maybe 5:30, but roughly between 4 and 5:00 AM. That’s what we call early waking.
If your little one is doing that, then the reason is they are overtired. Now, think about that for a minute. They’re overtired, so they’re waking early? Makes no sense, does it? You’d think they’re overtired, they’re tired. They need to sleep in. They need to sleep longer. That’s what you would think. But like most things with sleep, it’s completely counterintuitive, which is why our lovely instincts and intuition when it comes to this, lets us down because what actually is going to work for a little one’s sleep is usually counterintuitive. And that’s why it’s the hottest topic among parents.
So yes, early wakings are caused by being overtired. It’s to do with how it reacts in the body and how over tiredness creates actually a bigger influx of hormones that actually keep you going and keep you stimulated. And that’s why we wake up more.
You may have had this yourself when, if you’ve been traveling, maybe long haul and multiple countries and you’ve got to an airport and you’re like, “Oh my God, I just need to sleep.” But you can’t. And I’ve got to get that next flight and you power on and you power on. And then all of a sudden you feel, “I’m not tired anymore.” And you haven’t slept, but you’re thinking, “I’m over it. I don’t even feel tired anymore.” That’s because your body has released these hormones to keep you going and you push past that tired window and you’re actually overtired, but you feel wired. Little ones will often do this. They will zone out to sleep. They will have a certain amount of sleep, but then they’re awake and they can find themselves awake and wired because they’re overtired.
But why? Where’s this overtiredness coming from? That’s the first thing you need to look at.
I want to run through a few examples for you right now, so that you can start to understand, why is my little one overtired because it might not be obvious. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn’t.
First of all, let’s look at naps. How many naps a day did your little one ought to be having? And for how long should each nap be? Because sometimes you might think they’re napping a lot, but actually they’re napping very short like cat naps, so the quality of the nap isn’t great. So it’s about the length and the quality. Also, motion naps, so naps that are induced by motion or kept going by motion can often, not always, but often be less of a quality nap as well because they going into deep sleep and it’s like the motion is just keeping them down and keeping them dozing.
Like when you nod off in a car or on a plane, as a passenger. You do that whole head thing and it’s like, you’re sleeping, but you’re in quite a light sleep. A motion nap could be causing light sleep for little one. It could be that the nap’s too short and poor quality. So napping, generally, are they getting enough? Most little ones are not and if you’re unsure, then reach out to us because we have a sleep needs guide. There’s one in my book as well. If you want to get your hands on that and it will give you a pretty good ballpark as to where you ought to be with those naps.
The other thing that goes hand in hand with this is the wake window. The wake window is how long your little one can be awake for in between sleeps.We have an ideal target wake window based on the age and developmental stage. But what people forget, sometimes people get so hung up on the wake window and they’re like, “Right, wait window is this long, now it’s sleep time.” They wake up. Right, the wait window is this long again and they’re at sleep time. But actually what they’re not doing is reducing the wake window after a poor nap. So let’s say the nap would be best if it were 90 minutes long, but we’re only getting 30 minutes. Well, then we can’t do the full wake window. We need to reduce the wake window and bring the next nap earlier. So there’s a craft to that. And knowing that the optimal wake window only stands if we’re getting the optimal amount of sleep as well.
The other one could be that bedtime’s too late or inconsistent, moving around all over the place. And that’s another thing that people do when they are focusing too heavily on wake windows is they allow bedtime to just be all over the place instead of anchoring in a set time that is consistent every evening, which really helps little one’s body clock.
There’s one more thing it could be. There’s one more place that, if you’ve checked all of that off and everything is textbook. And you’re wondering, “But how is my little one overtired? Then and only then it could be that they’ve gone into such a habit with this early wake-up that it’s the early waking itself that’s causing this overtiredness.
Just to recap those for you. So maybe then you can have a think and spot, why, where is this overtiredness coming from?
Is it the naps? Not enough nap, too short naps that they’re not recycling for, or poor quality naps?
Is it the wake windows? Are they the right length, too long, too short, like timing? Timing’s a big piece of this.
Is it bedtime and that it’s too late or that it’s inconsistent each night?
Or is it the early waking itself, cutting their sleep short and meaning that they’re overtired before they even start the day?
The answer here is to find it. Once you find it, then you can fix it. Right now, your homework is to go look at where the overtiredness is coming from, and then you are ready to tackle and overcome the early waking.
Let’s get you all sleeping soundly.
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